“Steve Jobs was deadweight. He mostly smoked weed and listened to hippie music while I ushered the company out of the dark ages” asserts Tim Cook with an authoritative grin. “Everyone thinks he’s Steve Perry and I’m the Filipino guy when really I’m Steve Perry and he’s that curly haired dude that filled in between Steve Perry and the Filipino guy. Remember that guy? Yeah no one does.“
“When I stepped in the company was in shambles. Steve had just finished designing iPhone 5 and like all the iPhones before it, it was an embarrassment to the company. I knew that iPhone 6 had to be a hit because iPhone 5 sucked balls. iPhone 6 saved the company. You want a real simple experiment to prove who is a better CEO? Take a look at the original iPhone that came out under Jobs. Compare that to iPhone X that came out under me. The iPhone X is a much better product. Why is that? ‘Cause I’m a better CEO.”
Tim remembers Jobs’ work on the Apple Store with particular disdain. “He wanted to sell bong paraphernalia. I had to talk him into carrying Apple computers. Then I said, if we’re going to have computers how bout we sell Apple accessories as well. Honestly, the guy really had his head up his ass.”
Did Jobs do anything positive for Apple? “He put me in charge. That was good. I’m more qualified. Steve didn’t even have a college degree. I had a 3.43 GPA and I went to a tough school” Cook paused for a moment, threw a sniper’s stare and whispered “engineering major”.
What does Cook view as his greatest contribution? “I made you think about iTunes again. Like when everyone had U2’s new album on their phone and they couldn’t figure out why. Hey, did I download this? How did it get on my phone? Am I going to be charged for it?“
written by Tim X Lee